Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
