some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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