i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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