Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
