cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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