I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
