I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
