I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
