I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
