My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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