can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
