I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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