Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Who died my cat blue again?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
