just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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