if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
