Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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