The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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