I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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