Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
