I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
