so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
