bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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