Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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