That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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