my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
