It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
