DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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