So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
