his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
