Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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