I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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