i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
