508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
