Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
