Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
