I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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