I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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