he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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