epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
