Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
