We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
