What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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