How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
