Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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