she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
