my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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