NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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