omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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