Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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