I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
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she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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