I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
