Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
