i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize