Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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