so that wasnt chicken after all
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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