i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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