i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize
