Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
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