I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
