i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
