masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
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You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
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Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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