Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize