this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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