Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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