Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize