sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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