So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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