Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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