dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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